Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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