If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
