last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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