he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize