just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
