Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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