so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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