You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
