so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
