I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
