i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
