dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
