dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
