My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
