I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
