so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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