Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
