I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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