he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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