So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
