Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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