I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
