Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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