I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
