i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
