I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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