i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
