can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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