So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
