I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
