i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
