i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
