You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
