Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
