I could have mohawked her pubes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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