I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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