she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm really busy with my period
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