i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
