we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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