I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
