So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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