Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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