Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
