is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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