i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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