woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
