can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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