you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
