the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
