Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
