it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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