pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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