Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
