You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
