you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
