All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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