I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
