Just cropdusted the office
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
