Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
