she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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