Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
