i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
