i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm too high and old for this...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
