Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
