I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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